Dads Matter

In this upside down world we've created an environment where men are no longer held up as admirable for their unique masculine characteristics. In fact, some would have us believe men in general are an optional facet of life. There's surrogacy, IVF, and single moms on Facebook bragging about how they should be honored on Father's Day.

In their displacement, men are changing with these New Age perceptions. Once they were considered the stronghold of society - especially through their unconditional, to the death, devotion of care for their families. Now, they're too often seen as a nuisance. After all, who needs them? They're the adult version of boys with cooties. Sure their seed may be necessary for a while longer - if a woman or homosexual couple wants a child. But even there science has come up with a cure. We're seeing the evolvement of creating babies in ways that could only have been science fiction a few years ago.

God didn't create man and woman for this horrific brave new worldview. He made them - male and female, He made them. In His own Image they were created - with characteristics that are different yet beautifully complimentary.

This weekend we celebrate Father's Day. Let's make this a time for remembering our God-given roles as humans. Women are strong, yes, but in the nurturing self-giving way designed by God. They aren't second class citizens - in fact they have quite the foothold on respect these days. They can't, however, replace the stronger sex. After all, should we really be looking at life as a competition? Weren't we put together as marriage partners in order to help one another to Heaven?

Men are physically and mentally strong in their own unique way. Their bodies are fit for combat - both in physique and in mental prowess. They protect, instruct, and guide. But most of all they LOVE. As the spiritual heads of their households their strong hand portrays a powerful witness - gentle, yet rugged. They are, after all patterned after God Our Father! Like Saint Michael the Archangel, they protect us from the evils - both physical and spiritual - in this world. Never diminish their masculine qualities in an ill-conceived attempt at 'equality'.

Together, male and female, they provide the perfect combination - each bringing their own strengths and their own weaknesses. Yet together, they form a formidable stronghold for the wellbeing of the children to which God has entrusted them! Children are their earthly treasure and deserve to see a godly witness in their parents. This day let's give thanks for the masculine half of that whole.

Happy Father's Day!

PS Let's not forget our priests - the spiritual fathers who bring us the Eucharist!

When Fathers Day Isn’t Happy

Sometimes the ideal set forth by a day of celebration doesn't reflect your personal reality. The picture perfect vision of a Dad who has stood by you from the moment of your birth may not be a part of your experience. In this situation, a day set aside for celebrating fond memories might evoke pain and sadness instead. While those of us who suffer from a particular lack in our lives might find ourselves pondering the what if’s of the ideal, we don’t begrudge those whose experience reflects that which has not been gifted to us.

Fathers Day is one such day for me. I've had two fathers in my life. The first, was a painful reminder that not all marriages are made in heaven. His actions toward my mother, his taking of my little brother, and leaving me behind – all of this shaped my life but (thank God) didn't stunt my ability to love and feel loved. The second father came into my life when I was the daughter of a divorced mother who had been deprived of raising her first son – his father had spirited him away and he was not to be found.

Dad came along and adopted me and all seemed right with the world. My childhood, my five siblings, our family life, and adulthood – they all reflected a seamless adaptation to this family, brought together by mutual love and caring.

All that changed when our mother died at the young age of 58. Although we were all adults (the youngest was 21), we had grown up in a vibrant home filled with love and togetherness. We were the family all other families strove to be – lively, loving, and always actively living life to the fullest. What we didn't realize was that Mom had been the sole catalyst. As my youngest brother describes it, May 4, 1994 was the day Mom and Dad died. It changed our lives forever.

Even as adults we seek the comfort of the familiar. If we’re lucky, our family never loses this quality. For those of us who aren't so fortunate, the pain suffered can be almost debilitating. That’s where I stand on a day like today – Fathers Day 2014. While I relish the father my dearest husband has been to our children and am proud of the fathers our sons have become, the little girl in me longs to recover that which has been lost. 

A father, who walks away from his adult children (and their children and grandchildren) to another family may not produce the same type of damage as if had he acted thus at an earlier time, yet his rejection is still felt painfully and fully by his adult children. To have the same man who gave warm hugs, piggy back rides, and solace in times of tragedy walk away, severing all ties, is to have a hole in your heart – a longing of all of those days gone by. Unlike the holding close to fond memories of a parent who has died, this pain is different. Knowing he exists, however out of reach he may be, is to be tormented by the reality of rejection every day.

Scary face from happier times. <3

Happy Fathers Day, Dad. I’m missing you today and pray you are well. Perhaps someday…

5 Catholic Gifts for Dad

Tomorrow is Fathers Day and dads all over the country will receive cliche gifts - ties, beer, barbecue tongs, or shirts - just to name a few. Please don't be offended, I've been there too. Of course there will also be the handmade coupons and heartwarming drawings from their adoring little fans. But what if we encouraged our offspring to gift Dad with a more Catholic gift? Wouldn't that benefit both Dad and the kids? Faith in the family is so very important and Fathers Day is a perfect opportunity to remind all of its members of the importance of the spiritual head of the household. In keeping with this theme, I have listed five suggestions below. Of course, the possibilities are as vast as the unique nature of each family.

1. Have a Mass said for Dad - perhaps for his birthday or the feast day of his patron saint. This often neglected gift of the most perfect prayer can fit into most any occasion. What better way to tell Dad how much you love him and desire his eternal happiness?

2. Give him a spiritual bouquet. How about having the children make a card or coupons, listing the special prayers to be offered up for his eternal soul? Older children could offer a Rosary or the Divine Mercy Chaplet, while 'littles' could recite the prayers they know best. This gift could be presented with however much creativity (cards and pictures) or simplicity (just tell him your intention) as is characteristic for your family.

3. Does Dad have a favorite saint? Or perhaps a patron for whom he was named? Give him a holy card or a small statue of this saint. Be sure to have it blessed for him. He can display this on his desk or an area of the house he frequents. Not only will he be reminded to pray for the intercession of his saint, his heart will also be warmed each time he sees this reminder of how much he is loved - that his eternal soul is important to his family.

4. Make a date with Dad - go to a weekday Mass or Adoration. Create an atmosphere of devotion to Jesus while also sharing a special spiritual time with him. This could be coupled with lunch or a picnic in the park. Make it a joyful event, sharing what's most important in life - family and eternity.

5. Create a list or scrapbook outlining how Dad is the spiritual head of your household. Have each family member describe how he helps them grow - spiritually. This could be a simple video (iPhone anyone?) of each child speaking in his own words or a written note, gathered into a little booklet. Let Dad know how important he is to the family as you travel the road to Heaven - together, as a family.

I hope this little list will inspire you to share your thoughts with the Dad, Granddad, godfather, or any other male who is an inspiration to you. Don't forget that many of these ideas would also be appropriate for your priest - lest the part they play in our spiritual lives be forgotten.

"...For [priests], it is pastoral paternity, spiritual fatherhood, but this is still giving life, this is still becoming fathers."  ~ Pope Francis

God bless and Happy Fathers Day!